Carol
Bruess
(rhymes with “peace”)
PhD
Relationship Social Scientist • Author • Speaker • Educator
Exploring the beautiful, complicated work of being human
I've spent my career studying relationships and am spending my life learning from the beautiful, messy work of living them.How do we live well with one another?
That question has carried me through classrooms and conference papers, marriage retreats, lectures and living into friendship and longevity, grief and joy, public life and private conversations. It has led me toward research, writing, dialogue, and the unfinished work of becoming more fully human.
This site is where the threads intertwine: in the science of relationships, the art of dialogue, the stories that give our lives shape, and the questions of messy connections. You also will get a peek at the projects I’m currently creating, the things that make me smile, and the parts of life illuminating my days.
For more than thirty years, I have researched relationships, taught thousands of college students, written books, delivered keynotes, and given workshops for couples, families, high schoolers, retirees, women across the generations, business leaders and, well, pretty much everyone in between. All of it has been guided by two enduring questions: How do we live well with one another? And why is investing in the work of relationships your wisest move in life?
books & articles
I write essays and articles, do research, and collect stories about the complicated work of being human. If it helps people live better with each other, I might write about it.
speaking
The opportunity to bring relationship science to audiences, groups, and organizations through keynotes, workshops, and conversations is an absolute delight.
My story
How did I find myself married for 35 years to the guy in my freshman orientation group? Turn an art major into a vocation about relationships & dialogue? And currently navigate the public-private spheres while living on a college campus?
coming September 18, 2026
An artful companion for the unfinished work of being human.
Maybe Life Hurts is a richly layered collection of essays, poetry, letters, visual art, and lived wisdom created for anyone living through life’s beautiful and bewildering questions.
Inspired by the life and legacy of Cassandra Voss, and the ongoing dialogue between Cassandra and her father, Kurt, it asks what can happen when we stop rushing toward answers and stay open to being changed by one another. It invites readers into dialogue with themselves, with one another, with grief, with mystery, and with the complicated realities of being alive.
Centered around six enduring, Rilke-style questions, the book is features the voices, poetry, and stories of nearly 50 authors and poets, designed as an artful, timeless companion for anyone navigating life’s inherent messiness and goodness.
My husband of 35 years, Dr. Brian Bruess, is currently serving as the president of both the College of Saint Benedict and Saint John’s University, Minnesota. Every single day we have the greatest privilege: journeying alongside and encouraging thousands of our Bennie and Johnnie students to discover their gifts and passions as they learn, grow, and discover where they are called to serve our world. There’s nowhere else in the landscape of higher education we’d rather be. Go Bennies! Go Johnnies!
photo by Tommi O’LaughlinAs the official campus therapy dog at the College of The College of Saint Benedict and Saint John’s University, George has become an expert in welcome, emotional regulation, spontaneous joy, and the art of showing up without an agenda.
continue the
conversation
Whether you’re looking for a keynote, book event, book signing, or hoping to bring a workshop about “The science of human connection” or “The art & science of happy marriage” to your group, organization, or community — or perhaps imagining a different kind of collaboration — I’m looking forward to hearing from you.